The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
