I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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