this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
