Got a toothbrush?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
