please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
