So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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