I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
