Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
