I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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