Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is Oprah even human
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
