I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
