you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then he peed in my hair
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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