shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You have to summon your inner elephant
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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