I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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