Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
