PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
