It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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