I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
