I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
