What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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