just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize