Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
