hell yes lets make some ravioli
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
