Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
