You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
