I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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