Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
