Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
