i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize