Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
