First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
