guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
