If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
