my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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