do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
