we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
