You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
