All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
