real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sext me about skeletons
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
