I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
