I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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