forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
