i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
