never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
