She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
