Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
