that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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