She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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