your thong is hanging out like whoa
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
