I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
