i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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