So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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