Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
