I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
