either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
