Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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