Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
