covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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