Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
