Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
