He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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