K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
