It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize