According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
