maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
