i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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