there was a trapeze. enough said
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
