P.S. I can't hear my feet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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