evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
