so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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