I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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