I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
