Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
