The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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