I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
