Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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