Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
should my penis look like a turkey
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
